Take This Sabbath Day (1.14)
Sam: The US is one of five countries on earth that puts to death people who're under the age of 18 when they committed a crime.
Charlie: Saudi Arabia and Iran?
Sam: Yeah. So, that's a list we definitely want to be on.
The Two Bartlets (3.12)
Sam: You know what the Bob Engler meeting turned out to be?
Toby: This is the UFO guy?
Sam: Yeah. He thinks the government is keeping alien bodies at the Bullion Depository in Fort Knox. ...What ARE we keeping in the Bullion Depository in Fort Knox?
Sam: No, seriously. There used to be 8500 metric tons of gold there, now most of it's moved out.
Sam: What’s there now?
Toby: I wouldn’t ask a lot of questions, Sam.
Sam: What do you mean?
Toby: Don’t worry about it.
The U.S. Poet Laureate (3.16)
Josh: Why do you think this one's so hard to spin?
CJ: Cause it's the classic Washington scandal. We screwed up by telling the truth.
Josh: All right, let's try not to do that too much.
The Portland Trip (2.7)
Josh: Public opinion can be wrong, Matt. The public opposed interracial marriage and school integration. You want me to reach back into the nostalgia file?
Congressman Skinner: That's entirely different.
Josh: How's it different?
Skinner: The government has a responsibility to protect the rights of minorities, but it can't impose the minority's values on the majority.
Josh: Freedom of choice isn't a minority value just because the majority doesn't agree with the minority's choice.
Skinner: Josh, all the Marriage Recognition Act does is ensure that a radical social agenda isn't thrust upon an entire country that isn't ready for it yet.
Josh: 32 States have passed laws banning same-sex marriage. The states are doing a fine job protecting themselves from a radical social agenda without a federal shield.
Josh: I like you guys who want to reduce the size of government and make it just small enough so it can fit in our bedrooms.
The Leadership Breakfast (2.11)
Toby: Mr. President, I'd like to talk about those rules in that memo you’re reading.
Leo: It's a breakfast, Toby, it's a pancake breakfast. There's nothing in that memo that's important.
Bartlet: We're having Vermont maple syrup?
Toby: Mr. President, if you read item 4 you'll see that time at this breakfast will be spent discussing calling the Patient's Bill of Rights the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
Bartlet: I don't give a damn if they call it the Monroe doctrine. What the hell are we doing serving Vermont maple syrup?
Toby: On the minimum wage. If we all turn our attention to item 5 of the Rules of Bipartisan Breakfast.
Leo: They're guidelines. You keep calling them rules.
Toby: Margaret, what does it say at the top of the memo?
Margaret: Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast.
Leo: I keep meaning to fire you.
Bartlet: New Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House.
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (1.2)
Sam: I hope you don't mind my barging in like this. It's just that I've known this girl my whole life.
Woman: How do you know Brittany?
Sam: Who's Brittany?
Laurie: I am.
Life on Mars (4.21)
Josh: What the hell are you doing?
Donna: I'm sorry, but this bird has been sitting here tapping on the window for, I'm not kidding, I don't know how long, but a long time. I've lost track cause I'm moving into certain phases of dementia with this thing.
Josh: Well, let me get rid of it.
Donna: No. No, no, no, no.
Donna: What are you going to do?
Josh: I'm gonna scare him away.
Donna: It's not nice.
Josh: I'm not going to hurt him. I'm just -
Donna: No, come on, he's a bird. He's not bothering anybody.
Josh: In a second he's going to be bothering me, right?
Dead Irish Writers (3.16)
CJ: This is a good bottle of wine. It's almost made me forget how much cork I swallowed from the first bottle of wine. I don't understand. It was good corkscrew. Graphite.
CJ: Stop talking about the corkscrew?
Amy: Mrs. Bartlet, I wanted to ask you a question, but I'm not sure how.
Amy: Well, if the most they can give you is a year's suspension, is it -
Abbey: That big a deal?
Abbey: Yes. I'm a doctor. It's not like changing your major. You of all people should - I mean, women talk about their husbands overshadowing their careers. Mine got eaten.
CJ: Your husband got eaten?
Abbey: My career.
CJ: Yeah, well, I'm on dangling modifier patrol.
Abbey: What's your problem?
CJ: Are you First Lady right now?
Abbey: What are you talking about?
CJ: Sometimes you like to talk, and I think that's great, but sometimes you're Abbey and sometimes you're my boss, and I respect both very much, but -
Abbey: I'm Abbey.
CJ: Yes, I agree with her. Look, they take this job away from me, I got nothing. I don't have a cat. I could get one, but I don't have one. Frankly, I'm not wild about cats. I don't hate them. I'm just not... I could learn to like them, I guess.
The Stackhouse Filibuster (2.17)
CJ: No, I'm sitting and waiting. I'm ordering pizza. I'm catching up on emails.
Toby: All right. I got a basketball game on in my office if you want to come by.
CJ: Is it the Jets and the Mets?
Toby: It's the Nets and the Hawks. The Jets and the Mets?
CJ: I know the teams. I'm joking when I do this. I'm joking when I do this.